How I feel
by GreenGirlElphabaThropp
Summary: Written from Elphaba's point of view as she struggles with her emotions while falling in love with Fiyero.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hi I haven't written anything in a while and I know I have a story that I haven't finished yet, but this came to me and I had to write it down. I'm not sure whether it's any good so please leave a review and let me know what you think. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Wicked. **

Have you ever done something or started to do something and then wondered why? I have. And since it happened I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. At the time it felt like the right thing to do, I was caught up in the moment and then suddenly a flash of rational thought hit me, and I started to feel horrible. I felt like I'd done something wrong. I felt like I'd taken advantage. I was confused. To me it felt like I'd messed up. Talking about it helped, but as soon as I was alone with my thoughts again, it started to haunt me. No matter how many times I was told I hadn't done anything wrong, no matter how many times I was told I hadn't taken advantage, I still felt that I had, and that feeling was the worst feeling in the world.

Nobody ever tells you exactly what over stepping the line is. What is this metaphorical line that everyone talks about, parents talk about it, teachers talk about it, everyone talks about it. But what is it.

I hate having emotions, they complicate everything. The simplest of tasks, the smallest of challenges are made harder for us all by our emotions. It's even worse because we seem to be living in a society where it's wrong to show emotion. Showing emotion shouldn't be discouraged it should be encouraged.

Life isn't made easy for us, we can never be sure if we're doing the right thing or making the right choices, but if we over think every little thing, every little detail of what we do, we'll never be happy.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hi, i haven't had much response to this story but I'm going to continue writing it anyway as i feel it's one of my better pieces of work, please leave a review i love to hear what you think, i hope this chapter grabs your attention and keeps you reading. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Wicked **

My face was already beginning to ache from smiling, but I couldn't stop now, I only had fifteen minutes until the end of class. Fifteen minutes until I could go back to my dorm and just sit and write or read or do anything but socialise and smile. I never used to have to wear a false face, but then again I never used to go anywhere, I just stayed in my attic room and read books that my sister used to get me from the library.

Just as I'm writing the last sentence of my life sciences essay the bell for the end of class goes, a wave of relief flows over me. I pack away my things in a hurry and leave the room giving my professor a small wave as I go. I head down the corridor and out into the yard, the suns shinning but I can feel the evening breeze already. The sound of someone shouting my name distracts me from thoughts of my plans for the evening. "Elphaba! Wait up, please we need to talk." gasps Fiyero,

I make the biggest mistake I could at this moment in time. I turn to look at him, he has a look of confusion on his face, a look of worry and concern, but there's another emotion hidden amongst the handsome features of his face, one that I can't make out. "Elphaba?" this time it's a question, it's only as he makes his way toward me that I realise I've froze, "Elphaba, please, will you talk to me? Please? We need to talk." He's practically begging me, but I can't. What I did was wrong, I can't talk to him about it, I just can't. "Elphaba?" he's next to me looking at me, his hand is on my shoulder, I try to ignore the warm feeling spreading through me at his touch. He's about to speak again when I turn and run in the direction of my dorm. I'm aware of his footsteps behind me but i keep running I have to.

Reaching my room I open the door and quickly shut it again locking it behind me, "Elphie what are doing?" asks Galinda, turning to look at me mascara wand in hand. Before I can answer there's a loud banging on the door, "Elphaba! Please, I just want to talk." Fiyero begs,

"Elphie, have you still not spoken to him?" Galinda asks,

I shake my head, "No, I haven't," I reply,

"Oh Elphie, why not?" Galinda asks,

"I just, I can't." I say,

"Why Elphie? What have you done that's so terrible that you can't speak to him?"

"I kissed him."


End file.
